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03/11/2024
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Wives be Submissive to your Husbands
In our world today, any suggestion that a wife should submit to her husband is looked down on as a horrible thing that needs to be rejected. This rejection of submission often comes from a sinful rebellion against the will of God. However, sometimes this rejection even comes from Christians.
The idea of submitting to one’s husband can cause an individual to cringe. In this case it is often because the Christian woman has a false picture of what true biblical submission looks like for a wife. In this post I want to give some biblically supported statements for what biblical submission is not and then what biblical submission is for a wife.
First it needs to be understood that submission is not an exhortation for women
only. Ephesians 5:21 tells us to be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. 1 Peter 5:5 states that younger men are to be subject to or submissive to their elders. Submission also does not mean that the wife becomes a slave. The wife is never more free than when she is in submission to her husband, for then she is free to become all that God intended her to become. Submission does not mean that the wife never opens her mouth to give advice or her opinion. Finally, submission does not mean that the wife is inferior to the husband in any way. These are just some of the thing’s biblical submission is not.
With these in mind, let me give you a definition of what biblical submission is. Biblical submission is the freedom to be creative under divinely appointed authority. Biblical submission means that the wife puts all her talents, abilities, resources, and energy at her husband’s disposal. Biblical submission means that the wife yields and uses all her abilities under the management of her husband for the good of her husband and family. A biblically submissive wife has ideas, opinions, desires, requests, and insights, and she lovingly makes them known. But she knows that on any good team someone has to make the final decision and that the team members must support the team leader and she understands that her husband is that team leader.
Here are some things we need to keep in mind as we consider looking at biblical submission. It is the wife’s responsibility to make herself submissive. Nowhere in Scripture is the husband commanded to force his wife to submit. Rather, the wife is commanded to make herself submissive, Ephesians 5:22 and 1 Peter 3:1. Scripture states that the wife’s submission is to be a continuous lifestyle.
The wife’s submission is mandatory, not optional. It is not to be based on her husband’s abilities, talents, education, or even his spiritual state. A wife’s submission is a spiritual matter. It is to be done as to the Lord. The Lord commands it, therefore a refusal to obey this command is rebellion against God himself. Submission involves the wife’s attitude as well as her actions. Ephesians 5:33 states that the wife is to respect her husband. A wife who submits outwardly but inwardly, who is bitter and does not respect her husband is not truly obeying the Lord.
A wife’s submission is to be extensive. According to Ephesians 5:24, she is to be subject unto her husband as the church is to Christ. How extensive should the submission of the church be to Christ? Well, it should be total. This passage goes on to say that wives are to be subject to their husbands in everything.
Submission is not an on-again off-again matter for the wife. Nor is it to be selective, choose what you like and reject what you do not like. Submission is to be her lifestyle at all times, in all places, and in everything. The only time a wife is to not be submissive to her husband is when he asks her to do something that is a contradiction to God’s Word and to do it would cause her to sin.
Over the past few years as I have counseled couples, I have often had husbands ask me for some real practical ways that they can love their wives as Christ loves the church. However, I have never had a wife ask me for practical tips on how she can show her husband that she desires to submit to him. I am not sure why that is, but here is a list for any wife to start with:
1.) Make sure he knows that he is your priority over everyone else including kids, parents, friends (Proverbs 31:11).
2.) Do not correct, interrupt, or talk for him when others are around (Proverbs 27:15, 16).
3.) Do not express anxiety about the decisions he makes or go deliberately against that decision (Philippians 4:7,8). If the decision is sinful, tell him gently why you cannot participate and then take it to the Lord.
4.) Encourage him often with uplifting words rather than constant critiques or criticisms (Proverbs 21:9).
5.) Be sure to always discuss any important decisions with him and remember the final decision is his (1 Cor.11:3).
6.) Pay attention to what he says and be genuinely concerned about his desires, going out of your way to help him meet them (if they are biblical). This includes his career goals, as well as his emotional, spiritual, and sexual desires. Remember you are his helper, and he needs you.
7.) If correction is needed, do it in a way that shows abounding grace and mercy. Approach him in an endearing manner with a gentle quiet spirit, before you
bring up the correction.
A woman who is truly submitting to her husband, as unto the Lord, will be a woman who is full of joy and praise for the Lord. This is the kind of woman every wife should desire to be and strive for.
(1) Wayne A. Mack, Strengthening your Marriage, (Phillipsburg NJ: P&R Publishing, 1999), 17. (2) Ibid. 19. (3) Wayne A. Mack, Strengthening your Marriage, (Phillipsburg
NJ: P&R Publishing, 1999), 20. (4) Martha Peace, The Excellent Wife, A Biblical Perspective. (Bemidji MI: Focus Publishing Inc. 2005).
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