Stop Giving Your Spouse the Leftovers 

There are very few meals that we consider to be better as leftovers, with the exception of maybe pizza or fried chicken. However, even in these cases the leftovers are given because the best of the meal was given and consumed earlier but was just too much food for the original consumer.

The meal was prepared with love and care for the original consumer. The one preparing it spent time thinking about how to get the best taste out of it. They determined what spices to use, how long to cook it, what the best side dishes would be. They really spent time trying to please the one they would be serving it to. This act of preparation and forethought truly demonstrates how much the one preparing the meal cares for the one they are preparing it for. Don’t get me wrong, the leftovers are given in love as well, but the level of care, concern and forethought is not there. They are giving it to the consumer because it is there, and it will meet the hunger need.

We do the same thing very often in our marriages. We give our spouse the “leftovers” when it comes to our time and attention. In the few years I have been counseling, I have heard a wife tell me, in front of her husband, “I need to make sure I look, and smell extra good when I go to church or when I go out with my friends.” I would agree with this statement, but it is what she said next that floored me. “I may be a little grumpy or irritable when I come home to him or when he comes home from work, but he understands. If he doesn’t, well, he better get used to it, that’s just how it is. ” Now, she said this partially jesting, however, by her husband’s expression I could tell that this was not too far from the truth. What she was really saying was, “He gets the leftovers.” The one who loves her more than anyone. The one who cares for her and would give his life for her any day of the week is not the one who gets her best, but he gets what is left after her friends and even strangers get to enjoy her kindness and beauty. He gets her irritableness and her bad breath; he gets her frumpy clothes and un-showered presence. He gets her when she is exhausted after giving all of her energy to her friends or strangers. He gets her just in time for her to not want to talk or engage let alone be intimate, but to simply “veg-out,” he gets the leftovers. This is not only true of the wife, the same can be said of a husband who pours all of his energy and time into other things while neglecting his spouse.

It is true that when we enter into the union of marriage, we bind ourselves to that person for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer until death separates us. The problem is that many individuals begin to take their spouse for granted after those vows are said. They no longer give the best of themselves to their spouse because they are now married. These actions speak louder than words to your spouse. They tell them that your priority is your friends and or strangers. Friends, this should not be. 1 John 3:18  "Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth". A loving spouse who is being treated like this will rarely bring this up because they are desiring to love their spouse as Christ calls them to. Ephesians 5: 25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her". Titus 2:4 "so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands…." They will never tell their spouse they “stink” or that they do not look great when they get home. They will rarely tell them they are always grumpy or short with them at the end of the day. They will not, but I will.

If you have taken your spouse for granted, make a change today. Remember that your spouse is a gift from God, they are the one person God has put you with until the end of your life. Your kids will grow up and move out. Your friends will change over the years and your job will as well, but your spouse will still be there when you are on your death bed.

So, from now on, take the time to give your spouse the best of you. Don’t relegate them to the leftovers but to the wonderfully prepared meal that took time and forethought to prepare. You will never regret giving them your best, but you may regret giving them the leftovers.