As a Christian counselor, there are a few verses that I seem to always hear when counseling couples. The one I probably hear from a wife more than any other is Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her". Although this is an appropriate use of this text, it is usually better if I exhort the husband in this way rather than the wife. As I do this the inevitable question comes up, “What does that mean, and how do I do that?” This is a great question because honestly, who fully understands the love that Christ has for the church? Scripture speaks of the breadth and length and height and depth of the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge (Ephesians 3:18-19). The answer then is no one, no one can fully understand, however, there are some things we can understand about the love of Christ for His people. 

We can understand that His love for His people is unconditional (Romans 5:8). We also know that His love for the church is a volitional love (Ephesians 1:6-7), an intense and unending love (John 13:1; Romans 8:39), an unselfish, purposeful, and sacrificial love (Philippians 2:6-7; Ephesians 5:26-27; Galatians 2:20; 1 Peter 3:18). 

And we also know that it is a manifested love. Jesus Christ manifests His love in words and deeds. He tells us He tells us He loves us; He shows us He loves us. He protects us, prays for us, guards us, helps us, defends us, comforts us, chastens us, equips us, empathizes with us, and provides for all our needs (John 10:1-14; Romans 8:32; Hebrews 4:14-16).(1) This is the standard that every husband should strive for.

To be sure, no husband has ever loved his wife full to that extent. However, it is the goal that every husband should strive for. A godly husband should spend time thinking about what this means in terms of his marital relationship. Every husband should frequently examine himself to see where he is failing to be the lover his wife needs, and God commands him to be.

Some practical ways for a husband to love his wife include:

1.) Tell her you love her frequently without being asked.

2.) Providing satisfaction for her varying needs. Husbands need to remember that their spouse has a variety of needs. This includes emotional, intellectual, social, recreational, sexual, and spiritual. If a husband is not concerned about every one of these, he is not a good provider or lover.

3.) You may love your wife by protecting her and helping her with chores and responsibilities. 

4.) You may express your love by giving her a lot of tenderness, respect, chivalry, and courtesy.

5.) You may love her by demonstrating to her that, apart from your relationship to Jesus Christ, she has first place in your life. This means she has priority over your job, your hobbies, your friends, and yes even over your children. It is a stark reminder that at the end of the day when the kids are grown and moved out, she will still be there. If you have not done your best to love her as Christ loves the church, things will be very difficult to rebuild.

These practical ways of loving your wife as Christ loved the Church are just the tip of the ice burg. A man who truly wants to obey the Lord will dig into Scripture and go above and beyond as he strives to fulfill this imperative. For men to be able to do these things, the one thing that must continually be put to death is self. A man must be constantly diligent in dying to his own selfish ambitions and striving to live for Christ which includes loving his wife as Christ loved the church.